Silent Cries
by Suze18
Summary: After the 74th Hunger Games, Katniss & Peeta return home. Behind closed doors Peeta holds a secret.
1. Coming Home

Mayor Undersee presents them, "Let present the Victors of the 74th Hunger Games. Katniss Everdeen & Peeta Mellark."

Peeta smiles and waves, as he looks out to the crowd in District 12's city centre. He knew that they were all made to come, but they actually looked excited that the finally had another victor after 24yrs. It felt great to have District 12 behind them. He looked out to the crowd, looking for his family. He finally found them. They all looked happy to see him except for his mother. He wasn't surprised, it was the same woman who had put her faith in Katniss over her own son. He never knew what he had done wrong for her to hate him so much, but the moment she chose to put faith in Katniss (even he planned to let her win), it hurt him more than any of her physical & mental abuse combine. It showed him what she really thought of him.

"Thank you to you both for being the first people to win for District 12 in 24 years. You have made all of us proud."

He looked over at Katniss, and grabbed her hand. Everyone continued to cheer for them. What they didn't realize was it wasn't real, it was all an act that Katniss & Haymitch had thought up. Before they arrived home, Katniss has told him that everything done was to get them both home, that there were no feelings there. It was in that moment that his heart had broken into a million pieces. On one hand he was thankful he was alive, but on the other hand he loved her, and had hoped that all his dreams were finally coming true. That him going into the Games, and winning with her was for a reason.

…..

"Peeta," his father called out to him, as he walked towards him.

Peeta ran towards him, embracing him. It felt like it had been forever since the day they said goodbye in the city hall. "I missed you so much," he whispered. Of all the family members he had always been the closes to his father, as they were quite similar. They were kind, and talented when it came to decorating the deserts in the bakery.

"I missed you too," he said as they moved apart.

"Where's mom, Rye & Heath?" he thought they would come to see him. It had been a few weeks since they thought they were going to say good-bye forever.

Looking away from his son, unable to look him in the eyes, "They headed back to the Bakery…."

"Are they grabbing their stuff?" Today they would be moving to Victor's Village.

"That's why I came over, we're not moving to Victor's Village."

Peeta's smile dropped off his face, "I don't understand." We're they really going to let their 16yr old move there all by himself.

"With us having to get up early mornings to start the bread, it just doesn't make sense moving."

He wanted to say, 'You mean mom doesn't think it's a good idea,' but he didn't. Peeta never spoke up about the way he was treated. He took all the abuse, and never said a thing. He always just put a smile on his face, and chose to be better person then her. He forced himself instead to say, "I understand. I'll come grab my stuff tomorrow when I come to work."

"Peeta, I really am glad your home," Mr Mellark said, grabbing his boy, bringing him back into his embrace.

…..

After walking around District 12 for hours, trying avoid going to Victor's Village as long as possible, Peeta finally walked down the road that took him to his new home. Across the street he noticed Prim on the deck, playing with the cat Katniss told him about. She looked happy. He suddenly wished he was part of their family. They may have been poor, but they took care of one another through the good and the bad. And they love one another unconditionally. He had never really known that. His dad may love him, but he never stood up to his mother.

Prim looked up, and waved at him, "Hey Peeta."

"Hey Prim." He walks up to her step, "What's your cat's name?"

"Buttercup. Are you looking for Katniss?"

"No…" he frowned. He knew she wouldn't want to see him. "I just wanted to meet Katniss sister."

She smiled, "Thank you for looking out for her, for helping her come home."

"She didn't need me to help her win. Your sister always had it in her."

"Yes, but you helped try to steer the Careers away from her. And you kept them from trying to go after her in the tree giving her time to have Rue help her. You're a wonderful man, Peeta. I really hope Katniss knows what she's got."

Peeta just smiled. Realizing that Katniss hadn't let her family in on the charade. "Well, I guess I should get going. I'll be seeing you around Prim."

"Bye Peeta."

…..

Peeta should have been excited to look around his new home, but after everything that has occurred today, he felt like nobody cared for him. Katniss told him she just wanted to forget everything, to him that meant him, his family abandon him, and his best friend Delly never stayed to see him.

He slowly walked upstairs, and took a deep breath. Was this his life now? Was he bound to be alone forever?

He chose the room at the end of the hall that faced Katniss's house. She may not want anything to do with him, but he still wanted to make sure she was alright.

He slowly laid down, and face the window, and started to cry. This wasn't how he imagined how his life was going to be when he got back to District 12.


	2. Returning to Normal

Peeta forced himself to get up the following morning. He had promised himself that the Hunger Games weren't going to change him, but here he was sulking in his bed. He hadn't slept most of the night. At first it was because he was too upset about everything that happened since they returned home, but after hours of lying there he finally fell asleep. As soon as he was in a deep sleep the terrors started to come, and nothing he had tried could stop them. He was reliving the games again and again, each he had to watch the Careers kill Katniss right in front of him, each time in a different way, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He walked into en-suite bathroom, and splashed water into his face, before looking into the mirror, "Peeta get a hold of yourself. Katniss won't see in a new light if you let her see you like a heartbroken puppy." He felt if he could just showed her the kind of person he was, maybe she would change her mind about him. Maybe then she would see him more than the boy who saved her, who she felt indebted to.

First step to becoming the old Peeta again was to go to the bakery for his shift. He was always the happiest when he was at work, decorating the cake & cookies. He always dreamed of taking over the bakery one day. His brothers worked there, but they didn't have the same passion for the job as his dad & he did.

* * *

><p>Peeta brothers were in the back, working on the bread for the day, while Peeta decorate the cookies. He was making them with a Primrose design today. He smiled thinking how kind Katniss's sister was to him yesterday.<p>

"So Peeta we heard you lost your leg because of the games?" Rye said. "Does that mean you have some Bionic leg?"

Peeta just rolled his eyes. Of course they had to bring it up. Did they not realize he wanted to talk about something else? "Yes they gave me a new leg, they had to cut it off just below the knee."

"Can we see it?" Heath asked, wondering if you could tell the difference.

Peeta was just about to lift up his pant leg to show them, when his mother walked into the back of the bakery. "We don't need to see Peeta's new leg." Looking at her youngest son, "Just because you lost your leg, don't expect that you will get any special treatment at work. You will still be expected to do everything that you did prior to the games."

Of course she would think that he wanted special treatment, Peeta thought, even though he hadn't even asked for any. If anything he wanted to be the same, make him feel normal again. Of course this would be another thing that his mother could try to hold over his head. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, "I'm wasn't going to..."

"Of course you were," she said getting into his face. "Peeta we both know that you're weak compared to your brothers. I mean you had to have a seam brat help you survive the games. You couldn't even take care of yourself."

"That's not true, we took care for one another," he said, as he tried to stop from the tears from coming.

"Oh that's right, because you both are so in love. Didn't I teach you that their kind aren't even worth the breath we breathe," she slurred, with hate. If there was something she hated more than her youngest, it was people from the seam.

"Stop it!" Peeta yelled, "I won't have you talk about them like that." He couldn't handle his mom putting them down, especially Katniss. Just because she didn't love him back it didn't make her a bad person. She did what she had to do to survive.

"Peeta, you will end it with this girl, or I WILL" She demanded. No son of hers was going to date anyone from the Seam especially that girl. The daughter of the woman her husband always loved.

Peeta knew he should come clean and tell her that there was no relationship, but he didn't want her to think that she had won. If he had his way, he would win Katniss's heart. "I won't."

Mrs. Mellark slapped her son across the face, "I will not have you disobey me. Just because you don't live under this roof, doesn't meant that you don't have to listen. You are still 16yrs old, and I AM YOUR MOTHER!"

He wanted to say 'Yeah a mother that likes to put the fear into her kids,' but he chose to keep his mouth close. He had already said enough. The old Peeta wouldn't have opened his mouth, and just took what she said.

The bell of the front door rung, "This isn't done," she said to her son before heading to the front to help the customer.

Peeta let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. He knows it could have been much worse. This wasn't even in the top 10 bad things that she's done to him. When he threw Katniss the bread, he came back inside to find that she had rolling-pin in her hand. She had struck him across the back so many times that he broke a few ribs.

Rye came over to him, "Did you have to say anything? Peeta you know that it only makes things with her worse."

"I know. I wasn't thinking. I didn't get much sleep last night," he said trying to blame on that. When had it become his fault that she blew up. She's the one that should control herself. What had he ever done to deserve anything of this from her? It was a question he had asked himself so many times.

Rye smiled, "Didn't sleep well...does that mean Katniss stayed the night last night?"

Of course his brother would think thats the reason for it. "No Rye. Katniss and I haven't done anything like that." He was well aware that his brothers were well-known at the slag heap.

"Are you sure? You both looked rather cozy in the cave," Heath said, remembering how they were wrapped in each others arms.

"We were both just trying to stay alive. Our body heat helped us from freezing to death. Besides I don't think Katniss is ready for that type of relationship." 'Especially with him,' he thought. He was too embarrassed to admit to his brothers that she had led him on, that it had been all for the cameras. If he did, it would mean that he had been a fool to think that a girl like her could ever love a guy like him. A guy that was broken, and felt like no one loved him. He wasn't ready to give up on Katniss yet.

"Well she definitely is something. Are you sure that Gale hasn't tapped that? I mean I've seen him at the slag heap. I really can't see him and Katniss just being 'Friends."

He wanted to deck his brother for that remark, but he knew that it wouldn't help his situation with his mother at this moment. "Heath, she told me that he's just like a brother to her. I mean Delly and I are just friends, and we haven't done anything."

"If you say so," not so convinced by it. He had seen the way Gale looked at Katniss. There definitely was more than beneath the friendship, maybe not on Katniss's end, but definitely on Gale's end.

* * *

><p>Peeta brought the Everdeen's a few goodies from the bakery. It was the least he could do for his new neighbors.<p>

He slowly brought up his hand to knock on their front door, but hesitated for a minute. Should he really be here, Katniss sure had wanted to forget about him and the Games. No if he wanted to show Katniss the guy he really was, and win her over then he needed to start with getting to know her and her family. So he knocked on their door.

Prim answered the door, "Hey Peeta," she smiled.

"Hey Prim. A little birdie told me that you like cookies, so I thought I would bring some by for you," he smiled.

"Really," she said excited.

"Of course," he takes one out of the bag, "See."

"Is that a Primrose?" she asked.

"Yeah. I may have chosen to decorate them with you in mind."

"Thank you, thank you," she said giving him a big hug. "Mom, mom look what Peeta made just for me," she hollered to her mom in the other room.

He smiled, just knowing that he had just made this little girl's day.

"Hello Peeta," Mrs Everdeen says as she comes to the door.

"Hello Mrs Everdeen. I was just dropping off a few things from the bakery for you all."

"That is real sweet of you. Would you like to come in for tea?"

He knew he should probably decline at this point, but he didn't want to be rude. "Of course."

He looked around as Mrs Everdeen led them into the dining room. The place almost look identical to his. Maybe a few colour changes.

He was startled from his thoughts by her voice, "What is he doing here?" she scowled. Her words hurt more than he could have imagined. Here he was trying to do something nice for her family, and she acted like him in her house was the end of the world.

"Katniss!" her mother cried, horrified by her daughter's words. "Peeta was generous enough to bring over a few things from the bakery.

Katniss just stared at him. He tried to offered her a smile to let her know he wasn't upset about her comments. "No Mrs Everdeen, it's alright. Katniss is right I should be here. She needs her space. I'm just going to leave."

Katniss looked surprise by his response, but before he left he looked at her, "Katniss I brought you over some cheese buns. I thought they would be something you would prefer over the cookies. Bye Prim. Bye Mrs Everdeen, maybe some other time."

As he walked off, he overheard Mrs Everdeen yelling, "Katniss, I can't believe how rude …." Then he heard the door slam shut. He assumed that Katniss didn't want to hear what she was saying, and stormed off.

He walked back to his place. It hurt to know that all they had been through, that she was bound to push his away. Was he that hard to be around, was that why all his family decided that they couldn't live with him. Was he unlovable? No, he told himself, those were his mother's words sinking in his head. He had man friends. Where are they, his brain yelled at him, none of them have yet to come see you. But he kept telling himself that there had to be a reason like the start of school. His heart began to feel heavy, as he thought of spending another night alone in this big house, with nothing but his thoughts to eat away at him


	3. Damaging Affect

Mrs Mellark strolled into the back of the bakery grinning. "So Peeta, I was just talking to Mrs Carthwright, and the word around town is that girlfriend of yours has been seen all over town with Gale Hawthorne."

Peeta look over at his mother. Of course she has do anything to make him feel bad, "Mom, they're friends."

"Yeah friends with benefits," she laughed. "Everyone is talking about why you both haven't been seen with one another since you got home. I for one—"

Mr Mellark interrupts his wife, "Peeta we would love to get to know her. Why don't you bring her to dinner sometime?" His wife glared at him. Peeta knew she wouldn't ever be happy to have someone from the seam in her home, especially for dinner.

Peeta looked down at his hands, "Um….." What would he say? He could beg Katniss to come to dinner as a favour, but he didn't think she would go for that. She would barely stick around her house when he came to around. He had tried for weeks to get to know her, and he had failed misserably. Maybe it was time to let his parents in on the secret, it was bound to come out eventually. He was tired of living a lie. "I can't invite her over. We broke it off," he said choosing not to tell them the whole story. He knew it was best if his mother didn't know about it, it would only give her more ways to put him down.

"Oh Peeta, you can't even keep a seam girl happy, how do you expect to get any girl to love you," she joked. Peeta face fell. How could his mother be so cruel? "I mean a girl from the seam should be happy to have any Merchant like her, let alone the likes of her. Instead she's running away from you. Face it Peeta your unlovable. Since your a victor, you should have girls lining up around you, but no, now they're avoiding you like the plague."

Peeta held in the tears that were forming in his eyes. Maybe her words were true. Since coming home his friends had kept their distance, his family didn't ever come to see him, and Katniss made sure that she wasn't around.

He glanced over at his father. He wished just once his father would speak up and tell his mother to quit it, but he just stood there looking down at the bread he was making. His father took the coward way out, pretending that this wasn't happening around him.

"Peeta you will be lucky if you don't end up like that drunk victor. All alone in that house of yours—"

He couldn't take anymore of her abuse today, he needed to get away. "I've got to go," he stuttered as he took of his apron.

"What you can't handle hearing the truth. I'm just trying to prepare you for the real world. The world is filled with disappointments. I should know. I have had plenty, especially the night you arrived. You were suppose to be the girl that we had been trying for…."

Peeta stormed off before he had to hear anymore of this. It seemed like his mother had been gotten worse since he came home, or maybe he just wasn't as tolerant as he once was.

He took the back route to Victor's Village. The last thing he wanted was to have people from town to be staring at him. People would assume why he was upset, and would gossip around town. And he knew that would just make his mother even more mad. She hated to be the center of everyone's gossip unless it benefited her.

…

Peeta had spent the rest of the afternoon baking in his own kitchen. Whenever he was upset, he found himself baking, it soothed him. He had found himself doing it a lot since he come home, always making more than he needed, so he gave what he didn't need to Haymitch and the Everdeen's. He found himself on the Everdeen's doorstep again with a bunch of goodies. Prim had told him that Katniss had devoured the cheese buns the first time he brought then, since then she hadn't allowed anyone else to have any of them. It made him smile knowing that he had been right about it being the perfect item for her. Since then he always made sure to send them over with anything he would bring them.

He looked through the window to see a dim light in the living room. It didn't look like anyone was in there though. He hoped he wasn't bothering them at dinner time. He was later than he usual was, because he had wanted to check in on Haymitch. After seeing the disarray his home was in day after day, he felt the need to clean it for him. Show Haymitch even though he might not like it, he did care for him.

Peeta knocked on the grey door before him, and stood there and waited for someone to answer. He was shocked when Gale answered the door. He knew he came by their house from time to time when he wasn't in the mines, but he didn't expect for him to answer their door.

"What are you doing here? Gale said rudely, as he stood there with his arms crossed.

"I've come to drop some stuff off for the Everdeen's," Peeta said. He really wished someone who actually lived there would come to the door. He really didn't want to be talking with him. It wasn't that he hated Gale, but he knew that Gale wasn't rather fond of him, and he wasn't up for another fight today.

"Well they don't need your charity," he scowled.

"It's not charity. I just always bake too much, and don't want it to go to waste," thinking that it really wasn't any of his business to say what he does for this family. Mrs Everdeen had always appreciated the gesture, and she always found a way of showing thanks, like sending Prim over dinner for him.

"When are you going to get it through that thick skull of yours that Katniss doesn't want anything to do with you."

"I…." he begins to say before Gale cuts him off. "Your like this love-sick puppy that won't go away. Don't you get it, she just felt sorry for you, and thought that District 12 would hate her if she didn't save you too. She would never be caught dead dating a townie, people who don't know anything about our suffering." He wanted to shut him up there. He may not know what its like to starve, but it wasn't like his family had a lot of food either. And not to mention the suffering he had dealt with all his life with his mother. Yet here was Gale judging him as if he knew what his life was like.

"You know she sneaks off early mornings so that she doesn't have to see you. She hates you for lies you told, lies that she will have to play out every time you two go to the capital. Did you ever think about her when you did this?" Of course he had. He knew that she came off harsh, and he had wanted the Capital to love her so that she had better chances at sponsors. He was trying to save her life, because he thought she had more reasons to go home. She had a family to take care of. But most of all he had done it because he loved her, and thought her life was worth saving over his.

"You know it would have been better you died in that arena, because then Katniss would be the rid of the likes of you—" Peeta refuse to let Gale see that he had gotten to him.

"GALE!" Mrs Everdeen said as she came to the door, "Your mother raised you better than that." She turned to Peeta, embarrassed by the way her guest had just talked to him, "I'm so sorry for his behaviour."

"It's okay," he stuttered, but it really wasn't.

"No it's not," she knew that Peeta didn't deserve the treatment he was getting.

"Here," he said handing her the bag. "I've got to get home," he said before running off towards his house.

He slammed the door behind him, he had never felt so alone before. He walked into the kitchen, and just started throwing came rushing down his face. No one wanted him around, not his family, not his friends, not Haymitch and especially not Katniss. They had all given up on him the moment he entered that arena. No one thought he was good enough to win the games, no one thought he was worth it. Was he ever going to be good enough for anyone? It hurt so much to know that Katniss didn't love him, but it hurt more knowing that she despised him. His mother must be right, he was unlovable.

That's when he saw the knife on the edge of the counter. He picked it up, and stared at it for a moment. Did he really want to do this? He was just so tired of hurting all the time, he needed some type of release. His hand shook as he brought the blade to his arm. He slowly slid the sharp blade across the surface of his arm. He cried as he felt the built of anger and hurt be release with the shallow cut.

Realization hit him of what he had just done, he grabbed a washcloth, and quickly put it on his arm, holding it tightly there, as he rushed over to his cabinet where he kept the first aid supplies. He quickly bandaged himself up. He was a pro at attending his wounds, he had plenty of them growing up, but this was the first time he had been the one to cause it.

….

He slowly crawled into bed that night, and cried. He told himself that he wouldn't ever get desperate enough to cut again. He didn't want to be that weak guy that they all thought he was.


	4. In a little need of Hope

Sorry it took me so long to post a new chapter, I was sick for the last few weeks.

* * *

><p>Peeta was in his kitchen, he was grabbing supplied out, to make cookies, when he heard a soft knock on his door. He debated answering it, he wasn't sure her wanted to see anyone today. He wasn't sure he was ready to face the world after yesterday.<p>

When he heard the faint knock again, he decided that he better answer it. He slowly walked to the front door of his door, bracing himself for whomever was on the other side of the door. He took a deep breath, before opening the door to a smiling Prim. He remembered the days he use to be as carefree as her, where he looked as the greater things that the world had to offer. "Hey Prim, how may I help you today?"

"Well my mom sent over this casserole. She's worried that your not eating anything but baked goods," she giggled.

"She does know that my father taught me to cook, right?" he laughed. From a young age he had been interested in cooking, baking and decorating, and his father had been happy to show him. None of his brothers cared to really learn the family business. He had always hoped to inherit this business, but now that he was a Victor, that wasn't going to happen. Though it was nice to have all the money in the world, and a nice big house, he had other dreams for his life.

"I think she just likes to do it because you always bring us bread, and other goodies."

"Well please thank her for me. I really do appreciated it." He thought it was nice to know that at least someone cared if he was eating properly, he knew he wouldn't ever get that out of his mother. She hadn't once asked how he was doing after everything, or come over to his new place. Didn't she realize what the games have done to him? This is the time she needed him the most.

"So what you doing?"

"I'm just starting to bake some sugar cookies."

"Those are my favourite cookies," she smiled. "Well I guess I should head back home," she said as she began to walk towards the door.

Then he got an idea in his head, "Would you like me to show you how to make them?" It would be nice not to be alone for a change, to have someone to talk to. He always found it so easy to talk with Prim, he considered her like a little sister to him.

Her eyes widened, "I would love to!" He smiled watching her reaction. He knew that he had just made her day. He remembered Katniss had told him that Prim would make her stop at the Bakery window everyday to look at the goodies.

Prim followed him into the kitchen. Peeta grabbed the extra apron off of the back of the door to the pantry. "Here you will need this. Baking sometimes can get rather messy. Why don't you call your mom to let her know that your staying here, while I finish getting out the rest of the supplies." He didn't want her mom to be worried when she didn't return home from his place right away.

"Okay." strolling over to his phone in the living room.

Peeta took off his sweater, and put on his apron, forgetting that he had a bandage he was trying to cover away. He was so happy to have someone around, that he forgot about the mess that occurred last night.

Prim came back into the kitchen, "What happened to you Peeta?" pointing at his arm.

Peeta stood there for a moment, frozen, trying to think what lie he could make up that would seem plausible. The last thing he wanted was for her to know how he actually got it. He knew if she knew she would tell her family, and promised himself it was a one time thing. The last thing he wanted was for Katniss to find new reasons to avoid him, to hate him. "I was cleaning up glass last night when I accidentally skimmed it across my arm. It's just a cut on the surface, nothing serious."

"Well make sure that if it doesn't heal that you come see my mom. We would hate for you to get a bad infection."

"I will." He chose to change the subject, and get back to the task at hand. "Well the first thing we want to do is cream the sugar and butter together."

Prim put the butter & sugar into the bowl, and began to blend them together. Peeta looked down at her, to see a big smile on her face. He knew he shouldn't ask, but he needed to know, "Prim, how's Katniss been handling things since she got home?"

He notices the hesitation the little girl had, and he wasn't sure that she was going to tell him at first, "It's been rough for her. She wakes up most nights screaming." He could hear her in the middle of the night screaming, it took everything in him not to run to her house, and help her. Besides Haymitch, he was the only one that knew what she was going through. Only one that knew the terror of the nightmares she has. "I try to help her, but she won't let me in on what she's going through. I think she's trying to protect me from it all."

"She loves you very much," he smiled. If he knew one thing about Katniss, it was that Prim was her world. Everything she had done since her father died was for Prim. She was the reason she fought through the games, and didn't give up. He handed Prim 2 eggs and some vanilla to stir into the bowl next.

"Gale was wrong what he said last night," Prim spoke up.

Surprised that she was bringing up last night. He took a deep breath, trying not to let those words affect him again. He didn't want to cry, and breakdown with Katniss's little sister here. He needed to be strong, and the be the guy that everyone always loved. The guy that was willing to go into the games and die if it meant that Katniss came home to her family. "What do you mean?"

"Katniss doesn't hate you. She actually cares about you."

He shook his head, "You're real sweet Prim to say so, but we both know that isn't true."

Prim stopped stirring the ingredients, and looked at him, "You're wrong Peeta. Katniss cares about you, she's just not in a good place right now. And she's not necessary good with people either." He knew that very well, he had witness that during their time in the Capital. That's why he had made a plan with Haymitch to make her look more desirable so that they would love her. So that Sponsor would want to give money to help her.

"Prim she doesn't care. She darts away whenever I'm around," he said looking down at his hands. He had come to the realization last night that nothing he did was going to make her care. He had to get over the notation of the two of them because it was killing him.

She put her hand over top of his hand, "She's just scared. She thinks that if she admits to caring for you, it means that she's allowing the Capital to control her. But don't ever think she doesn't care. I've caught her on more then one occasion staring at your house. I know she wants to come see you. Just give her time."

* * *

><p>Peeta walked with Prim out his door, onto his front deck, "Thank you for spending the afternoon with me," he said as he handed over the plate of cookies. She had spent the whole afternoon with had baked cookies, and then he taught her a few techniques on how to decorate cookies.<p>

"Really the pleasure was all mine. I really do appreciate you showing me how to decorate the cookies with a primrose."

"Well maybe next time I'll show you how to make cheese buns."

"I would really like that," she smiled.

They were soon interrupted by Katniss who was just walking by his home, "Prim what are you doing here?" Peeta stood there quite offend by her comment, was there something wrong for with her sister coming over? Was it so bad for her to be anywhere near him?

"I was helping him bake & decorate cookies."

"You really shouldn't be bugging Peeta, I sure his time is better needed at the bakery with his family." He knew she was trying to be nice because he was right there, he's sure she would be a little more harsh with her, if he wasn't standing right there. He wasn't just going to stand there as she got mad at Prim. "She wasn't bugging me. She brought over the casserole, your mom made me, and I invited her to help out."

"You really didn't have to do that." She had that face again, as if she was thinking of how much she owed to him. Why couldn't she get it through her head that he's never wanted to be repaid for his good deeds. He did it out of the kindness of his heart.

"I wanted to. I enjoyed her company."

"I see. Come on Prim, we need to go home for dinner."

"Bye Peeta, thanks again."

"Bye Prim, By Katniss," he said as he waved to them as they walked away. He was sad when Katniss didn't even say goodbye, he was surprised when she looked back, but the moment she noticed that he saw, she quickly turned her head.

Could Prim really be right, he smiled to himself, Did Katniss really care more then she had let on? She had just given him hope.

* * *

><p><em>Peeta was running in the forest, running from the mutt that was chasing him. His leg was making it harder to run any faster. He looks back to see how far back the mutt was. As he turns back, he trips over a root from a tree that is stick up from the damp ground. He falls right onto his knees. He tries to get up, but something is holding him down.<em>

_Cato is holding onto his arms, "You tried to trick us, so you must watch us kill the girl you love."_

_Peeta tries to break out of his hold, but fails. Glimmer brings forth Katniss, holding a knife to her neck. She slit her neck , and then lets Katniss go. Leaving her to fall to the ground. _

_Cato lets Peeta go, before running off. Peeta runs over to Katniss, grabbing her into his arms. He tries to stop the bleeding but he's too late. He cries as he cradles her in his arms._

_Someone walks up to them, "This is all your fault, she's dead because of you._" _He recognized the voice, but he couldn't bring himself to look at Gale. "I didn't mean for this to happen, I wanted her to live, to go home to Prim."_

"_No one will ever forgive you for this," he whispered in his ear. "Her mom, Prim. They will hate you."_

"_No…,"he cried._

Peeta jolted up. Sweat was pouring down his face. He was heart was racing. He didn't want to sleep anymore. He kept on dreaming of them losing Katniss in the Hunger Games. The thought frightened him.

He slowly walked out of her room, and down the hall to the room that he now used to do his art. He sat down on his stool, in front of his canvass, and grabbed his paint brush. He let his hand guide him what to paint. He found that painting was the best way to deal with his nightmares that pledged him nightly.


	5. Broken

Peeta was working the front end of the Bakery today, his mom had decided that he was being too slow, and she didn't want him slowing down production. When really she just wanted to head over to her friends to gossip so she needed someone to take over her place. She never fond of the job, so she often made up excuses to leave during the to hang among her awful friends. They would tell gossip about all the merchants, and say horrible thing about people from the Seam. He never seen their view on the people who lived in the Seam. To him they were just like anyone else. They were all fighting to survive District 12.

He was quite nervous about being in the front, he hadn't work there since his return home. Everyone had been different towards him since he came home from the games, some even would turn the other way when they seen him. If they would do that on the streets who is to say they wouldn't avoid the bakery with him in the front. And the last thing he wanted was for the bakery to suffer because of him. Unfortunately you didn't say no to his mother if you knew what was good for you. The last thing he wanted was for her to show her wrath. He may be bigger and stronger then her, it didn't mean he wasn't afraid of her. He knew first hand what she was capable of. He had been bruised, battered, broken at her hands too many times to count.

The bell to the front door rings, as someone walks through it. "Oh Peeta, how are you dear?" Mrs. Mosley said as she walks towards the counter.

"I'm good," he said, faking a smile like he had done many times before. Being from this family he had gotten good at it. It was one of the reason he was able to act for an audience during his time in the Capital, "What can I get you?"

"I would like 6 dinner rolls," she said. Peeta grabbed a paper bag, and turned his back to her, as he placed the rolls in the bag. "I'm surprise you still work here. I mean it's not like you need the money. Its no wonder you seam girlfriend is running around with that Hawthorne boy."

Peeta started to tense up, he tried to breath, to calm down. He didn't want to show his pain here. He knew that Katniss wasn't his, but hurt to know that all of District 12 was laughing at him. "Here's your rolls. That will be $3," handing them to her.

"If I were you, I would let that Seam brat go. If she's hanging with that boy, it means that she's going to the slag heap with him. I mean he's well known there. This is why town folks like us shouldn't socialize with people from the Seam, they're nothing but trash."

It took everything in Peeta not to hit Mrs. Mosley. She had no right to talk about Katniss like that, let alone people from the Seam. Just because they were poor didn't mean they weren't human, and deserved some respect. He was tired of how ignorant some people could be. He would let other talk about her that way, "Katniss, and Gale are just friends, nothing more."

"You are naive if you really think that. The girl used you to get home to that boy. You're really too sweet for your own good," she smiled. She handed him the money, "You know my girl Sabella is your age, and I'm sure she would love to go out with you."

Peeta wanted to scream. First she decides to rub the fact that Katniss is always with Gale in his face, then puts down everyone from the Seam, and now has the nerve to push her daughter on him. He rather be alone then date someone whose family had no heart for the less fortunate. "I'm sorry I'm not interested."

Her eyes bulged out, "You should be lucky that anyone would be interested in dating you after what happened in those games. I mean you did murder someone. I'll leave you to think about it," she smirked, as she left the bakery.

Peeta started to hyperventilate. He grabbed a paper bag and began to breath into it. Yet another person who thought he wasn't worth loving. She probably only wanted her daughter to be with him for his money. _No one will love you Peeta. You're not worthy of anyone's love. You're a murderer._

"PEETA!" his mother yelled as she walked through the door. "What are you doing?" slapping him in the back of his head, "You're going to scare the customers away."

Of course that was the first thing his mother says. There was no concern that he was having a hard time breathing, that he was upset. He walked to the back, grabbed his bag, opened up the door to backyard, and walked away as his mother screamed at him. He walked away from the place he use to call home. He couldn't take it anymore, he needed to get away, away from all the prying eyes, and ears. He walked towards his favourite place in District 12, towards the meadows

* * *

><p>Peeta sat on the hill, the long grass surrounded him. He was staring at the forest beyond the fence, and he began to wonder what it would be like to be free. What would the world be like if there wasn't the Hunger Games, if they could come and go like they would like, and what it would be like if everyone were equals. No now the Capital owned him. Every year he would have to go there with Katniss, and watch her pretend to love him. There is nothing worse then to have to pretend every year with her, knowing that it wasn't real.<p>

He opened his backpack, and grabbed his drawing pad. He opened to find a note stuck inside. _Don't give up on her_. He smiled. He didn't know when & how Prim had got it in there. He was reminded of their conversation at his house last week. Maybe if he tried harder, maybe then he could get Katniss to see him in a different light, and look at him like he looks at her. Maybe she was just confused on whether he feelings were real or because of the Capital.

He began to draw. He thought what better way to get to Katniss then to draw the woods. The one thing that connected her to her father. He would do a basic drawing now, and paint it later. He began with the details of the trees that stood before him. He knew that this painting would have to be perfect.

Peeta was brought out of his train of thought by a voice, "Katniss," Gale says before pulling her back towards him. He leans down and gently kiss her lips. At that sight Peeta's heart broke into two. Mrs Mosley had been right. She was with Gale. Prim was wrong. When Katniss said that her and Gale were friends it had been a lie. Not that he should be surprised it wouldn't be the first time that she had lied about her feelings. He couldn't even get up to leave, as it would probably bring unwanted attention to himself. He closed his eyes, and tried to hold back the tears that he felt coming. _See she doesn't want you. She just used you to get home, back to Gale. She just pitted you.._

When they were finally gone, he threw his drawing pad in his backpack, and began running towards Victor's Village, towards his big house. His breathing began to get heavy, and he was having a hard time finding his next breath.

He felt worse then the day that Gale had yelled at him at her house. Everything was coming all too real now. Why couldn't she at least tell him before he had to see it with his own two eyes. _Cause she doesn't care about your feelings. _It would have hurt less. Now he felt like a fool for having a little bit of hope that he could win her heart.

He ran upstairs to his art room, and began throwing his paintings around. "Why am I not good enough for her, for anyone," he cried. Tears slid down his cheeks. That's when he saw the knife he had use for his sculpting. He picked it up, and starred at it, and then at his arm. _Come on Peeta it will make you feel better. _"No, I promised myself," he said as he shook with the knife in his hand. _It will ease the pain your feeling. _He rolled up his sleeve, and slowly brought the blade against his arm, before slowly sliding it across his arm. He felt the release of the pain he had been feeling. He hadn't felt this good since the last time.

He dropped the blade, before dropping to his knees, and crying. He had broken the promise to himself. He felt so weak.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Peeta laid in bed all day. He had closed every curtain in his home. He wanted to keep the world out. For once he was happy that the curtains were blackout curtains, it kept the room dark. At this time the nightmares were easier to handle then the reality that he had no one.<p>

He was coming to terms that coming home had meant that he had come home to nothing. No family, friends, and no Katniss. To them he wasn't worth their time, their love. Katniss had come home from the same place, and yet she still had people that stood by her side. What made him any different? Tears fell from his eyes.

"Peeta stop being pathetic", he told himself. "Stop wallowing in your self pity." He had to be better then this. Peeta dragged himself out of bed, and walked down the hall to his art room.

He picked up the knife from the ground, and cleaned up the mess from last night. He had been weak again, just like his mother always told him.

Afterwards he sat down at his chair and began to paint. Without even thinking he was painting the forest that he seen yesterday from the meadow. When he realized what he was doing, he cursed himself for letting himself for painting it. She didn't deserve the gesture from him, didn't deserve his kindness when she had been anything but that towards her. Part of him hated her for everything she had done, but the little boy that fell for her at the age of 5 couldn't be mad at her. That boy had always held her on a pedestal.

He was startled by his doorbell ringing. He contemplated answering it, but decided against it. The last thing he wanted was to put on a fake smile and act like he's happy. It was exhausting. He just wanted to hide away from world that hated him, and never come out. Whomever was at the door rang the bell for over 10 mins before giving up. Once it stopped he let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding.

He walked back into his room, and laid back down. Willing sleep to come.


End file.
